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Women

I am not fragile like a flower. I am fragile like a bomb.

A woman's anger is like a check engine light. There is no way to figure out why it came on. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

How come when a woman is pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and says congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?

Every girl is a doll. Either Barbie or Annabelle.

Never pick a fight with a woman older than 40. They are full of rage and sick of everyone's shit.

Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.

WE NEED TO TALK: Women's secret code for haha sorry, you're fucked.

Litttle girls cry. Big girls say fuck.

The 5 stages of woman's life

Never trust a girl who doesn't fart. Hard telling what else she's holding back from you.

Women won't date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.

I'm honestly convinced some women don't fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.

If you meet a girl that admits she's wrong, apologizes and change her way... Dump her because that might be a man. Women don't do that.

The only difference between a good girl and a bad girl is that good girls are very selective who they're bad with.

So let me get this straight. Women wear fake hear, nails, lashes, contacts. Buy fake tits, lips, ass, and get botox... but want a real man?

To the women who say "all men are the same". Maybe you shouldn't have tried them all?

The most dangerous animal in the world is a smiling woman sitting in silence.

Women fall in love with what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie.

There is a big difference between a QUIET woman and a SILENT woman. The first one is a miracle. The second one is a time bomb.

Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.

If a woman says, “do what you want”, do not do what you want. Stand still, don’t blink, don’t answer, don’t even breathe. Just play dead.

Girls always say they appreciate the little things in life, until you whip out your little penis.

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