Women

I am not fragile like a flower. I am fragile like a bomb.
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A woman's anger is like a check engine light. There is no way to figure out why it came on. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin
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A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew
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Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.
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How come when a woman is pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and says congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?
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Every girl is a doll. Either Barbie or Annabelle.
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Never pick a fight with a woman older than 40. They are full of rage and sick of everyone's shit.
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Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.
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WE NEED TO TALK: Women's secret code for haha sorry, you're fucked.
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Litttle girls cry. Big girls say fuck.
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The 5 stages of woman's life
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Never trust a girl who doesn't fart. Hard telling what else she's holding back from you.
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Women won't date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.
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I'm honestly convinced some women don't fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
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If you meet a girl that admits she's wrong, apologizes and change her way... Dump her because that might be a man. Women don't do that.
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The only difference between a good girl and a bad girl is that good girls are very selective who they're bad with.
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So let me get this straight. Women wear fake hear, nails, lashes, contacts. Buy fake tits, lips, ass, and get botox... but want a real man?
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To the women who say "all men are the same". Maybe you shouldn't have tried them all?
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The most dangerous animal in the world is a smiling woman sitting in silence.
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Women fall in love with what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie.
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There is a big difference between a QUIET woman and a SILENT woman. The first one is a miracle. The second one is a time bomb.
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Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.
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If a woman says, “do what you want”, do not do what you want. Stand still, don’t blink, don’t answer, don’t even breathe. Just play dead.
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Girls always say they appreciate the little things in life, until you whip out your little penis.
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