Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes life just sucks. – Alexa Chung
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. – Woody Allen
Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
God give us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I’m a badass.
You can be stupid or you can be loud. Please don’t be both.
If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry it will try again tomorrow.
Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen. It’ll make the surprise that much bigger when life inevitably fucks you over.
Have a great day! Or don’t! No one cares!
If your phone battery lasts all day, it’s because no one likes you.
Life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes it makes you want to scream, cry or throw up.
Shutting the fuck up is gluten-free. Add that to your diet.
Always believe that something wonderful will probably never happen.
I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. – Ashleigh Brilliant
People can’t use you if you’re useless.
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually. – W. C. Fields
Try not to talk so much, you’ll sound far less stupid that way. – Brandon Sanderson
Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile because you’re a joke.
Mondays are fine. It’s your life that sucks. – Ricky Gervais