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Do not be so open-minded. your brains fall out. – G.K. Chesterton.

Do not be so open-minded. your brains fall out. – G.K. Chesterton.

People start shit. Then act like they have no idea how shit got started.

People start shit. Then act like they have no idea how shit got started.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.

Hold your head high and your middle finger higher. – Megan Fox

Hold your head high and your middle finger higher. – Megan Fox

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it’s up…Sometimes it’s down…But it won’t be hard forever.

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it’s up…Sometimes it’s down…But it won’t be hard forever.

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it’s always the liver that suffers.

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it’s always the liver that suffers.

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don’t we do something about natural stupidity? – Steve Polyak

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don’t we do something about natural stupidity? – Steve Polyak

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone is a piece of cake.

As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone is a piece of cake.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it becomes beautiful day.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it becomes beautiful day.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

Every time I say “Life can’t get more fucked up”. Life replies, “Challenge accepted”.

Every time I say “Life can’t get more fucked up”. Life replies, “Challenge accepted”.

Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.

Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Stress is caused by giving a fuck.

Stress is caused by giving a fuck.