Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence eat bacon.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Another fine day ruined by responsibility.
Some days my biggest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.
I’m not a gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.
I believe in annoyed at first sight.
Life is about saying “FUCK IT” to those who matter, and “FUCK YOU” to those who don’t.
Do you ever meet someone and think dumbass, then listen to them and think bloody fucking dumbass?
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
Don’t half ass anything. Whatever you do, always use your full ass.
Never sing in the shower. Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember don’t sing.
Can’t fall asleep? Good. Your dreams will never come true anyway.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance… The 5 stages of waking up.
I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.
Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered… “who ties your shoelaces for you”?
I don’t have welcome mat at my door because I’m not a hypocrite.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
Every day at work I worry that I’m going to scream “Shut The Fuck Up” out loud instead of in my head.
Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly.
Free speech is nice but also shut the fuck up sometimes.