Every evening when I tell my boss "Have a good night", what I really saying is "Go fuck yourself".
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I've learned a lot of great lessons from a few fucked up people.
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How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the fuck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
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Pretty sure I’ve spent about a third of my life saying "What the fuck is wrong with people".
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I am much nicer if you don't get to know me.
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Did you know that if you put you ear up to a stranger's leg you can hear them say: "What the fuck are you doing?"
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If someone you know is stuck in stupid mode, a smack to the back of the head shoud trigger the reset button.
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Never try to fuck up someone's life with the lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth.
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opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room
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Too bad you can't photoshop an ugly personality.
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Trusting people has made me the asshole I am today.
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People who think their shit don't stink haven't pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to smell the difference.
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Is it just me or do idiots multiply quicker than normal people?
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Rude, Sarcastic, Funny Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings
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Remember, if you have an issue with me I will never give a flying fuck. My life, my rules. Can’t handle it? Fuck the fuck off.
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I'm an odd combination of "really sweet" and "don't mess with me".
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Let's not make this more complicated than it has to be. If you don't want to be called out on your shit, don't act shitty.
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When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his penis and throws it at the female so she can inseminate herself, then he grows a new penis. If that isn't the most epic way to tell someone to "go fuck yourself" I don't know what is.
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ALWAYS BE YOURSELF. (except during job interviews, the first few month of a relationship, or any type of social interaction)
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WIFE: I have blisters on my hands from the broom. HUSBAND: Next time take the car.
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