People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.
Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.
You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.
“What’s your dream job?” “Well, in my dreams I don’t work.”
Nobody can stop me but only because I haven’t started yet.
Eggs are eggs, but some are rotten; and so hopes are hopes, but many of them are delusions.
Better discourage a man’s climbing than help him to break his neck.
Fool me once, fuck you. I keep it simple.
How many times does one need to say “Excuse me” before “Holly shit, get out of the fucking way” becomes acceptable?