There is a fine line between paying someone compliments and kissing someone's arse. Never cross it.
I hate it when people tell me that swearing isn't necessary. I am fucking vulgar not stupid and I know it isn't fucking necessary. But it is very fucking satisfying.
I’m not sure that we all have an inner child, but some definitely have an inner-idiot they have no control whatsoever over.
I don't think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "why me" say "try me".
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain
They said life is too short to hold grudges. I think life too short to be letting people get away with the same shit.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
Being a good person doesn't mean you have to put up with other people's crap all the time.
People love to watch you fall and they get mad as hell when you get back up stronger.
Listen, drunk me and sober me are not the same person. So if drunk me said or did something, you have to take it up with drunk me. Don't come at sober me. We weren't there. We don't know what happened.
I am great at multitasking. I can listen, ignore, and forget all at once.
Common sense is not a gift, it's a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
Life is too short to worry about stupid things. Have fun, regret nothing, and don't let people bring you down.
Bitch Please, I'm so freaking fabulous, I pee glitter, shit cupcakes, and fart rainbows.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is just a fucking twat waffle and isn't worth your time.
I am not an asshole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate assholes.
I’m not great at advice, can I interest you in sarcastic comment? - Chandler Bing
I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
To all the adults using colouring books for stress relief, grow the fuck up and get drunk like the rest of us.