Sometimes, the amount of self-control it takes to not say what's on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterword.
I could never be a politician. I would start every debate with "listen here, motherfucker"
I am an optimist! I think most people are half full of crap.
A good mood is like a balloon. One little prick is all it takes to ruin it.
Just remember that all the shit someone puts you through, sooner or later finds its way back to them.
Rude, Sarcastic, Funny Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings
People: Watch your language. Me: Oh fuck, sorry.
I don't pretend to be anything I am not... Except for sober, I've pretended to be sober a few times.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind.
Watch who you trust, even your teeth bite your tongue every now and then.
I have to stop saying, "How stupid can you be". I think people are starting to take it as a challenge!
I believe in fuck off at first site.
Well, aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the the ones I keep to myself. - Patsy Cline
Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.
I'm not sure if my life is getting better.. or the amount of fucks I give is declining everyday.
I can look directly at someone, nod when they’re talking, maybe even throw in a "yeah", and still not hear a single word they said.
Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.
Flawed and fabulous.. because perfect doesn’t exist and normal is boring.
Fall in love? I'd much rather fall asleep.
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. - John Hughes
The glass can be half empty or half full as long as there's whiskey in it.
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. - Paul Terry
During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.
When I shut my mouth and turn to walk away, it doesn't mean you won. It simply means your stupid ass isn't worth anymore of my time.