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Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Tell someone you don't like to fuck off today.

Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Tell someone you don’t like to fuck off today.

How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?

How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?

Stay classy, sassy, and a bit bad assy.

Stay classy, sassy, and a bit bad assy.

Some things are just best said with an eye roll.

Some things are just best said with an eye roll.

I don't know how to say this nicely. So I won’t.

I don’t know how to say this nicely. So I won’t.

My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It means your level of stupidity rendered me speechless.

My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It means your level of stupidity rendered me speechless.

If I ever say “Do you want me to be honest?”SAY NO.

If I ever say “Do you want me to be honest?”SAY NO.

Sweet as sugar. Cold as ice. Hurt me once, I’ll break you twice.

Sweet as sugar. Cold as ice. Hurt me once, I’ll break you twice.

I’m mostly “PEACE, LOVE and LIGHT” and a little "go fuck yourself".

I’m mostly “PEACE, LOVE and LIGHT” and a little “go fuck yourself”.

If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry it will try again tomorrow.

If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry it will try again tomorrow.

If you try to push me down don’t be shocked when it’s you who fall first.

If you try to push me down don’t be shocked when it’s you who fall first.

When someone calls me an “asshole” I get this warm feeling inside because my work here is done.

When someone calls me an “asshole” I get this warm feeling inside because my work here is done.

Thou shalt not stress over the opinion of an irrelevant little bitch.

Thou shalt not stress over the opinion of an irrelevant little bitch.

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen. It’ll make the surprise that much bigger when life inevitably fucks you over.

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen. It’ll make the surprise that much bigger when life inevitably fucks you over.

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.

We acknowledge that there is no “I” in team, but there is definitely a “U” in cunt.

We acknowledge that there is no “I” in team, but there is definitely a “U” in cunt.

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. - Mindy Kaling

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. – Mindy Kaling

Have a great day! Or don’t! No one cares!

Have a great day! Or don’t! No one cares!

If your phone battery lasts all day, it’s because no one likes you.

If your phone battery lasts all day, it’s because no one likes you.