I believe in fuck off at first site.
Well, aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the the ones I keep to myself. - Patsy Cline
Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.
I'm not sure if my life is getting better.. or the amount of fucks I give is declining everyday.
I can look directly at someone, nod when they’re talking, maybe even throw in a "yeah", and still not hear a single word they said.
Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.
Flawed and fabulous.. because perfect doesn’t exist and normal is boring.
Fall in love? I'd much rather fall asleep.
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. - John Hughes
The glass can be half empty or half full as long as there's whiskey in it.
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. - Paul Terry
During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.
When I shut my mouth and turn to walk away, it doesn't mean you won. It simply means your stupid ass isn't worth anymore of my time.
I should be ashamed of my behavior. Let's be clear. I'm not, but I should be.
TEQUILA for those times you want to forget stupid shit you've done and do new even stupider shit.
Not only does my mind wonder... sometimes it walks off completely.
I don't regret burning my bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burnt them.
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
Sometimes you just have to chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on.
I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.
THE FOUR STAGE OF LIFE: 1. You believe in Santa Claus, 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus, 3. You are Santa Claus, 4. You look like Santa Claus
It’s better to shoot for the stars and miss than to aim at a pile of shit and hit.
The stuff you heard about me is a lie, I'm way worse.
"FUCK IT" helped me through a lot of situations.