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Every time I say “Life can’t get more fucked up”. Life replies, “Challenge accepted”.
Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
Stress is caused by giving a fuck.
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
Do what the fuck you want. Because in the end people are assholes and will judge you anyway.
Before you ask why someone hates you, ask yourself why you even give a fuck.
Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer and some duct tape.
Don’t like me? Fuck off. Problem solved.
BITCHCRAFT: The art of pissing people off while smiling sweetly.
I love free speech. I also love ignore, mute and block.
Some people’s birth certificates should be an apology letters from the condom factory.
Be careful when you blindly follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
A little piece of advice… Don’t talk shit if you can’t fight.
A FACT OF LIFE: After monday and tuesday, even the calendar says WTF
Always carry a little crazy with you. You never know when you’ll need it.
The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.
Only dead fish go with the flow.