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ALCOHOL! Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.
Can you die from constipation? I’m a little worried with how full of shit some people are.
Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.
Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh either.
Listen, smile, agree. And then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway. – Robert Downey Jr.
Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. After that who cares? They’re mile away and you’ve got their shoes.
How to be grown up at work: Replace “Fuck You” with “OK Great”.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not surrounded by assholes.
Don’t be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.
Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.