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I can’t go around murdering people, so my hilarious put dows will have to do.

I can’t go around…

It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head, we all are. It’s only when you are fucked up in the heart that makes you a piece of shit.

It’s okay to be…

If you love someone let them go. If you hate someone let them go. Basically let everyone go. People are stupid.

If you love someone…

You can be a good person with a beautiful spirit and still be able to tell someone to go fuck themselves when needed.

You can be a good person…

No matter how hard I try to be nice someone always tries to push my asshole button.

No matter how hard…

When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, try a hockey stick. Results may vary.

When killing them with kindness…

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

I am not responsible…

Funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems like it’s impossible but 8 beers and 6 shots in 3 hours go down like a fat kid on see-saw…

Funny how…

Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

Behind every angry woman…

Fuck every single person that took advantage of your kindness and mistook it for weakness.

Fuck every single person…