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Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.

Fart…

People get so upset when you don’t let them use you.

People get so upset…

They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer “fuck off” to “go away”.

They say swearing is…

My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those lines between my eyebrows. Those are my “WTF” lines, and those things are deep.

My wrinkles…

If you want to be remembered, don’t act nice. Act like an asshole. Nobody forgets assholes.

If you want to be remembered…

People say love is the best feeling. But I think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is better.

People say love is the best feeling…

If you’re happy and you know it it’s your meds.

If you’re happy…

Nothing inspires the words "fuck off", like someone asking me to watch my language.

Nothing inspires the words…

We squint at the sun because it’s bright. We squint at people because they’re not.

We squint at the sun…

OH YOU HATE ME? Join the club! They are weekly meeting at the corner of fuck you street and kiss my ass blvd.

OH YOU HATE ME?…