One day I will start behaving myself. One day...

One day…

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that.

I could eat…

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m never going to have mid life crisis because my entire fuckig life is a crisis.

I’ve come to the conclusion…

One day everyone who needs to fuck off will fuck off.

One day…

If you ever hear me say “fuck it”, you better stand by my side or run... Because I'm about to make some very questionable decisions.

If you ever hear me say…

I have finally got all my shit together... I just forgot where I put it.

I have finally got all my shit together…

“How sexually active are you?” Very, life fucks the shit out of me and I don't remember the safe word.

“How sexually active are you?”…

Why age gracefully when you can age like old cheese... full of character and slightly offensive.

Why age gracefully…

One day you are going to look back and wish you had told more people to go fuck themselves.

One day…

I think I was put on this earth to please a few, entertain some, and annoy the shit out of the rest.

I think I was put on this earth…