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Behind every hangover, there's a promise of never drinking again.

Behind every hangover…

I can never just go for a drink or two. Always leads to 3 bottles of wine, an argument, an injury and 4 people I can’t look in the eye again.

I can never just go for a drink..

I always start the day with good intentions. Then I get out of bed and that’s usually where it all goes wrong.

I always start the day…

Whatever you hear about me please believe it. I no longer have the time to explain myself. You can also add some if you want.

Whatever you hear about me…

I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was raised with a wooden spoon on my ass.

I wasn’t born with a silver spoon…

Life is about balance 50% NAMASTE, 50% FUCK OFF

Life is about balance…

They say penis size is related to shoe size. That makes clowns much more scarier.

They say penis size…

Me blacking out when I’m drunk is God’s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.

Me blacking out…

I know I rub a lot of people the wrong way, but in my defence they’re all pussies.

I know I rub…

I'm gonna say what I want until someone beats my ass. Then I'm gonna say what I want with a black eye.

I’m gonna say…