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Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.

Stupidity is not a crime…

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. - Steven Wright

Support bacteria…

I wrote a song for you. I hope you like it. It’s called “Your Face Pisses Me Off”.

I wrote a song…

I’m proud as fuck of the person I’m today. I have overcome shit I thought could kill me and I have fought through shit I thought would destroy me.

I’m proud…

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I get enough exercise…

Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a Kung Fu problem. It’s not a problem if you are an expert at it.

Saying I have…

You call it “Road rage”. I call it “ Aggressively maneuvering around assholes that don’t know how to fucking drive”.

You call it “Road rage”…

Did you ever wondered why hemorrhoids aren’t called asteroids?

Did you ever wondered…

Happy wife, happy life. Happy husband, suspicious wife.

Happy wife…

Once upon a time, someone, somewhere, finally stopped caring and FUCK THIS SHIT was born.

Once upon a time…