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Follow your brain. Your heart is stupid as shit.

Follow your brain…

Please don't be an asshole to me, cause then I have to be an asshole to you. And I'm way better at being an asshole then you are.

Please don’t be an asshole…

I’m not anti-social, I’m anti-idiot.

I’m not anti-social…

Lord, please give me patience because if you give me strength I’ll need bail money too.

Lord, please give me…

Some people are such treasures that you want to bury them.

Some people…

Life is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or living with one.

Life is all about ass…

If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them. But remember to throw the flower pot with it.

If someone throws a stone…

I hide behind sarcasm because telling you to go fuck yourself is considered rude in most social situations.

I hide behind sarcasm…

Have you ever just agreed with someone so they would shut the hell up?

Have you ever…

One woman’s “fuck him” is another woman’s “finally”.

One woman’s “fuck him”…