If I am silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chillin, it depends. May the odds be ever in your favor.

If I am silent…

Pro Tip: If your palm itches, you're going to get something. If your crotch itches... you've already got it.

PRO TIP…

If you don't have anything nice to say, say it anyway. Motherfuckers need to hear some truth.

If you don’t have…

You remind me of my Chinese friend... Ug Lee.

You remind me…

Do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you're like "glad I got the fuck outta that one"?

Do you ever see a person…

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. - George Carlin

Just cause you got the monkey…

SCHOOL REUNION: A meeting where it takes only 20 seconds to realize why you haven't seen those people for 20 years.

SCHOOL REUNION…

FUCK FACE: A person with a face that instantly pisses you off the moment you see it. and you have to fight an incredible urge to smash him or her in the mouth.

FUCK FACE…

Why does the need to pee intensify by a million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house?

Why does the need…

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Maybe you should eat…