My brain says “let’s do something exciting today”. My body says “don’t listen to that fool”.

My brain says…

Row, row, row your boat gently the fuck away from me.

Row, row, row your boat…

If it’s not yours, don't take it. If it’s not right, don’t do it. If it’s not true, don’t say it. If you don’t know, then shut up

If it’s not yours…

I tested positive for seeing through the bullshit.

I tested positive…

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I'm pretty sure you'd be disappointed.

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself…

The longer I live, the more I am totally convinced other planets use this planet as an insane asylum.

The longer I live…

I talk an awful lot of smack for someone who tips over when putting on their underwear.

I talk an awful lot of smack…

Knowing my luck, I'll probably be reincarnated as me again.

Knowing my luck…

When I die, mix my ashes with glitter so I can continue annoying the fuck out of everybody.

When I die…

It is OK to take a break from a kindness to remind someone they got you fucked up.

It is OK…