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Bird

It’s a bird, It’s a plane... No wait, it’s a flying fuck I don’t give.

It’s a bird…

Dick pics are the human equivalent of a cat giving you a dead bird as a gift.

Dick pics…

I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

I am not an early bird…

Some people are like birds. You help them fly and once they're in the air they shit on you.

Some people are like birds…

What the fuck are birds so excited about at 5am?

What the fuck…

Sometimes I wish I was a bird... so I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

Sometimes I wish…

You know why birds sing in the morning? Because they don't have to go to fucking work.

You know why…

I don't want something really bad to happen to you, but if a bird shit on you, that would be fine.

I don’t want…

If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.

If I was a bird…

Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway.

Arguing with idiots…