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Calm Down

Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the fuck down.

Whenever I start feeling spontaneous…

Calm down reality. You're being ridiculous.

Calm down reality…

Dudes with small pee pees have the most fucked up attitudes. Calm down, push pop

Dudes with small pee pees…

Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person, so… maybe calm down.

Every dead body on Mt. Everest…

Telling an angry woman to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat.

Telling an angry woman…

Don’t tell me to calm down. I’ll throw a fucking desk at your face.

Don’t tell me…

Boss: Good morning. Me: You need to calm the fuck down.

BOSS…

NEVER in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down.

NEVER…

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones that pissed you off in the first place?

Have you ever noticed…