Coffee

By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

I’ll get coffee with you but only because I love coffee.

Half the day, I wonder if it’s too late for coffee. The other half, I wonder if it’s too early for alcohol.

Coffee fuels my sarcasm. What fuels your stupidity?

If your coffee order is more than four words, you are part of the problem.

I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.

My morning coffee makes me feel like I got my shit together. I don’t. But it feels like it.

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! – Darynda Jones

I run on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.

BEFORE COFFEE: I hate everybody. AFTER COFFEE: I feel good about hating everybody.