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Day

I always start the day with good intentions. Then I get out of bed and that’s usually where it all goes wrong.

I always start the day…

When I say “have a nice day”, remember that the “fucker” is silent.

When I say “have a nice day”…

You know it's been good day when I didn't have to unleash flying monkeys.

You know it’s been good day…

Two things to make your day better: Don’t watch the news, 2. Stay off the bathroom scale.

Two things to make your day better…

Have you ever had those days when you are holding a stick and everybody looks like a pinata?

Have you ever had…

I think it’s weird how somedays I feel reasonably healthy, and other days I feel like a busted can of biscuits.

I think it’s weird…

I plan my whole day around the possibility of a nap.

I plan my whole day…

If you’re having a bad day, just remember that there are people that have their ex’s name tattooed on their body.

If you’re having a bad day…

I am not much in seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.

I am not much…

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to fuck me up.

I like my mornings…