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Day

I heard if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Which is why I only drink every night.

I heard if you drink…

Make yesterday the last day you spent giving a fuck about people that don’t show they give a fuck back.

Make yesterday…

Start each day with a goal so you have something to fuck up.

Start each day with a goal…

Marriage. Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Marriage…

Half the day, I wonder if it’s too late for coffee. The other half, I wonder if it’s too early for alcohol.

Half the day…

If anyone had a not so good day today, do your best to rock that shit tomorrow. Life is too short for two days of bullshit in a row.

If anyone had…

Have a great day! Or don’t! No one cares!

Have a great day!…

If your phone battery lasts all day, it’s because no one likes you.

If your phone battery…

Yeah, it's pretty hard not to be completely cynical these days. - David Byrne

Yeah, it’s pretty hard…

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday, and look how that turned out.

Today…