Eyes

Out of all my body parts I feel like my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least a thousand eye rolls a day.

Out of all my body parts…

I told him to take care of his eyes because they are the only balls he has.

I told him…

Funny about getting older, your eyesight may weaken yet you can see through people much better.

Funny about getting older…

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people’s eyes.

When life gives you lemons…

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.

If a guy remembers…

If you didn't hear it with your own ears, or see it with your own eyes, then don't invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.

If you didn’t hear…

I really hope my life doesn’t flash before my eyes when I die. There’s some shit I’d rather not see again.

I really hope…

I don’t need a middle finger. My eyes are enough.

I don’t need…

Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, count to ten, take a deep breath, remind yourself that you wouldn’t look good in prison stripes and just smile at the dumbass and walk away.

Sometimes you just have to…