Getting Older

Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

Funny about getting older, your eyesight may weaken yet you can see through people much better.

The older you get the more you appreciate being at home not doing a fucking thing.

You know you’re getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need to have a nap to continue to do barely anything.

The older I get, the less I try to tip toe around people’s feelings. You either like me or you don’t. Simple as that.

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking “I might as well pee while I’m here”.

I don’t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.

The older I get the more everyone can kiss my ass.

The older I get the more I come to realize that I just don’t care what the hell anyone thinks.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit is not what I expected.