Getting old is weird because you’re still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in a shitshow of a body.
Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
You know you’re getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need to have a nap to continue to do barely anything.
The older I get, the less I try to tip toe around people’s feelings. You either like me or you don’t. Simple as that.
You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking “I might as well pee while I’m here”.