Getting Older

Grow old with your best friends so you can race in wheelchairs and fight each other with canes.

Getting old is weird because you’re still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in a shitshow of a body.

The older I get, the more ridiculous you all seem.

Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

Funny about getting older, your eyesight may weaken yet you can see through people much better.

The older you get the more you appreciate being at home not doing a fucking thing.

You know you’re getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need to have a nap to continue to do barely anything.

The older I get, the less I try to tip toe around people’s feelings. You either like me or you don’t. Simple as that.

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking “I might as well pee while I’m here”.

I don’t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.