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Girl

Don’t ever piss off a short girl. They are like cute, adorable tiny ninjas of death, who are at the perfect height to punch you in the balls. Shirt girls are badass!

Don’t ever piss off…

Who cares if girls look different with no makeup. Your dick looks hella different soft.

Who cares…

Girls mature faster than guys because men don’t usually develop breasts until their mid 40's.

Girls mature faster…

Short girls look so sweet and cute until you piss them off, then they are like a chipmunk with rabies.

Short girls…

Having a girl as a friend is like having a chicken as a pet. Sooner or later you're going to want to eat her.

Having a girl as a friend…

Single girls, please stop saying you should give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, please don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.

Single girls, please stop…

Once a girl takes off her bra, don’t ask her to do shit. She’s clocked out from life.

Once a girl…

Every girl is beautiful. Sometimes it takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.

Every girl…

Girls have magic powers. They get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

Girls have magic powers…

Bitch: Any girl who is skinnier or prettier than you.

BITCH…