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God

Me blacking out when I’m drunk is God’s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.

Me blacking out…

I have no problem with god - it's his fan club that scares me. ― A.B. Potts

I have no problem with god…

Sometimes God sends an ex back into your life to see if you are still stupid.

Sometimes God sends…

You thank God daily, but have you ever once heard a ‘You’re welcome’?

You thank God daily…

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. – Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh…

God give us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I’m a badass.

God give us…

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill

I am ready…

God must love stupid people. He made so many.

God must love…

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. – Emo Philips

I asked God for a bike…

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

God gave men…