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Going to bed early, not leaving my house, not going to parties... My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

Going to bed early, not leaving my house, not going to parties… My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

First rule of house cleaning while listening to power ballads: The toilet brush is never the microphone.

First rule of house cleaning while listening to power ballads: The toilet brush is never the microphone.

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.