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House

I don’t want you standing too close to me when karma drops house on you.

I don’t want…

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

A husband is someone…

If one door closes and another opens, seek help. Your house is haunted.

If one door closes…

I just want to live in a world where I don’t have to say “What the fuck is wrong with you people” every time I leave my house.

I just want to live…

Going to bed early, not leaving my house, not going to parties... My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

Going to bed early…

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.

If robbers ever broke into…

First rule of house cleaning while listening to power ballads: The toilet brush is never the microphone.

First rule…

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

A wife is like…