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Life

Life is about kicking ass, not kissing it.

Life is about…

Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that shit and move on.

Learn a lesson…

I've reached a point where I can't tell if I'm actually dealing with life better or simply don't give a fuck anymore.

I’ve reached a point…

Whoever said the customer is always right has never worked with the public a day in their freaking life!

Whoever said…

Smoking a cigarette reduces life by 5 min. Laughing increases life by 10 min. A laughing smoker never dies.

Smoking…

Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow. – Larry the Cable Guy

Life…

Life is like diarrhea. No matter how hard you try and stop it, the shit just keeps coming.

Life is like diarrhea…

My kind of people laugh at offensive jokes because they understand that life is ridiculous but also fucking hilarious.

My kind of people…

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Life is not a fairy tale…

Life is too short to worry about what others say or think about you. So just enjoy life, have fun, and give them something to talk about.

Life is too short…