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Life

I've reached a point where I can't tell if I'm actually dealing with life better or simply don't give a fuck anymore.

I’ve reached a point…

Whoever said the customer is always right has never worked with the public a day in their freaking life!

Whoever said…

Smoking a cigarette reduces life by 5 min. Laughing increases life by 10 min. A laughing smoker never dies.

Smoking…

Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow. – Larry the Cable Guy

Life…

Life is like diarrhea. No matter how hard you try and stop it, the shit just keeps coming.

Life is like diarrhea…

My kind of people laugh at offensive jokes because they understand that life is ridiculous but also fucking hilarious.

My kind of people…

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Life is not a fairy tale…

Life is too short to worry about what others say or think about you. So just enjoy life, have fun, and give them something to talk about.

Life is too short…

Thanks to the people that walked in to my life and made it better. And thanks to the ones who walked out and made it amazing.

Thanks to the people…

Life is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or living with one.

Life is all about ass…