Life

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sound of their chewing because that's the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Before marrying someone…

My life would be so much easier if I wasn't intelligent enough to realize how fucking stupid some people are.

My life would be…

It isn’t the ups and downs that make life difficult; it’s the jerks. - Charlie Chaplin

It isn’t the ups and downs…

I fucking love straight forward people. No bullshit makes life so much easier.

I fucking love straight…

Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.

Life is…

Love is a weird thing, like you just pick a human and you’re yes, I like this one, I’ll let this one ruin my life forever.

Love is a weird thing…

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. When life is a bitch beer is a must.

Ashes to ashes…

In my next life, I am coming back with money and looks instead of all this sparkling personality bullshit.

In my next life…

Guess who got their life together! Not me, but someone somewhere probably did.

Guess who got their life together…

If life gives you lemons, add vodka.

If life gives you lemons…