Man

How to win the heart of a woman: Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her. How to win the heart of a man: Come naked and carry a pack of beer.

How to win…

Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed, and clean the whole house while she sleeps.

Every woman’s dream…

Being a man is not easy. No makeup, no wig, if you’re ugly you just ugly.

Being a man…

All men like to think they're marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.

All men like to think…

Men only have 2 emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.

Men only have 2 emotions…

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

Here’s all you have to…

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.

Tell people…

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew

A pessimist…

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

Men, if you ever want to know…

Men are a lot like infants. If you want them to shut up just put a boob in their mouth.

Men are a lot like infants…