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Man

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.

Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. – George Carlin

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. – Chauncey Depew

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman’s mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

Men are a lot like infants. If you want them to shut up just put a boob in their mouth.

Men are a lot like infants. If you want them to shut up just put a boob in their mouth.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but The Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but The Bible says love your enemy. – Frank Sinatra

MEN ARE THE BEST COOKS because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.

MEN ARE THE BEST COOKS because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk he can fill a girl’s tummy for nine months.

GOLF: An excuse for old fat men to say they still play a sport.

GOLF: An excuse for old fat men to say they still play a sport.

Women won't date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.

Women won’t date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.

If you meet a girl that admits she's wrong, apologizes and change her way... Dump her because that might be a man. Women don't do that.

If you meet a girl that admits she’s wrong, apologizes and change her way… Dump her because that might be a man. Women don’t do that.

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.