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Old

You know you’re getting old when “friends with benefits” means having someone who can drive at night.

You know you’re getting old…

Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller.

Men at 25 play football…

Grow old with your best friends so you can race in wheelchairs and fight each other with canes.

Grow old with…

So when is this "old enough to know better supposed to kick in"?

So when is this “old enough…

Getting old is weird because you're still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in a shitshow of a body.

Getting old…

To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.

To be old and wise…

The older you get the more you appreciate being at home not doing a fucking thing.

The older you get…

You’re never too old to try something stupid.

You’re never too old…

Act my age? What the fuck is that “act my age?” What do I care how old I am? The ocean is old as fuck. It will still drown your ass with vigor.

Act my age?…

You know you’re getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need to have a nap to continue to do barely anything.

You know you’re getting old…