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Pee

I don't care if you lick windows, run into walls or occasionally pee on yourself. You hang in there sunshine. You're friggin' special.

I don’t care…

Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.

Folgers got it wrong…

You know you're getting old when you can't walk past a bathroom without thinking "I might as well pee while I'm here".

You know you’re getting old…

Bitch Please, I'm so freaking fabulous, I pee glitter, shit cupcakes, and fart rainbows.

Bitch Please…

Why does the need to pee intensify by a million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house?

Why does the need…

With age come new skills... You can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time.

With age…

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.

Handle every stressful situation…