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opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room

Opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room.

Being a good person doesn't mean you have to put up with other people's crap all the time.

Being a good person doesn’t mean you have to put up with other people’s crap all the time.

Listen, drunk me and sober me are not the same person. So if drunk me said or did something, you have to take it up with drunk me. Don't come at sober me. We weren't there. We don't know what happened.

Listen, drunk me and sober me are not the same person. So if drunk me said or did something, you have to take it up with drunk me. Don’t come at sober me. We weren’t there. We don’t know what happened.

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is just a fucking twat waffle and isn't worth your time.

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is just a fucking twat waffle and isn’t worth your time.

I am seriously the nicest and meanest person you will ever meet. Now fuck off and have a great day.

I am seriously the nicest and meanest person you will ever meet. Now fuck off and have a great day.

Vampires are real. Everyday I meet at least one person who sucks the life out of me.

Vampires are real. Everyday I meet at least one person who sucks the life out of me.

Do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you're like "glad I got the fuck outta that one"?

Do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you’re like “glad I got the fuck outta that one”?

FUCK FACE: A person with a face that instantly pisses you off the moment you see it. and you have to fight an incredible urge to smash him or her in the mouth.

FUCK FACE: A person with a face that instantly pisses you off the moment you see it, and you have to fight an incredible urge to smash him or her in the mouth.

Listen, I am a nice person. So if I am an asshole to you, you need to ask yourself why.

Listen, I’m a nice person. So if I’m asshole to you, you need to ask yourself why.

The only person I'm afraid is myself. That fucker is crazy.

The only person I’m afraid is myself. That fucker is crazy.