Person

I try to be a nice person... but sometimes my mouth doesn't cooperate.

I try to be a nice person…

If you hold a person underwater long enough, they stop being an asshole.

If you hold a person…

ASKHOLE: A person who constantly asks for advice then does the opposite of what you told them.

ASKHOLE…

There are two types of people who really irritate me: A drunk person when I’m sober and a sober person when I’m drunk.

There are two types…

I'm trying to be a more positive person every day. Today, I'm positive everyone is an asshole.

I’m trying to be…

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in a body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

I am a person…

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

I can only please…

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Don’t think of yourself…

Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.

Sometimes I wish…

BOSSHOLE: A person who turns into an asshole ten seconds after being made supervisor.

BOSSHOLE…