Shut Up

Knowing when to shut the hell up is a gift very few people are born with.

If you don’t know my whole story keep your mouth shut. If you know my whole story, you’re an accomplice. Keep your mouth shut.

OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HAVE A DRINK. – Me as a therapist.

I GET IT: When you have no idea what someone is talking about but you just want them to shut up.

ME BEING RUDE: Shut the fuck up. ME BEING POLITE: Please shut the fuck up.

I wish they made SHUT THE FUCK UP spray.

Men are a lot like infants. If you want them to shut up just put a boob in their mouth.

I go through a daily struggle of deciding whether to shut up or go fucking savage on everyone.

“The truth shall set you free.” Unless you’re in a court. Then you should probably shut the fuck up.

If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.