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Swear

I swear I have all my shit together. I just forgot where I fucking put it.

I swear…

I’d make a swear jar, but I don’t have the kind of income to keep up with my mouth.

I’d make a swear jar…

They tell you to do what makes you happy. Then they fucking tell you that you drink too much, eat too much and fucking swear too much. What the fuck, that's the shit that makes me happy.

They tell you to do…

My swear jar could finance the fucking space program.

My swear jar…

I swear some people need a stamp on their forehead that says "DO NOT REPRODUCE".

I swear…

Switch up your swear words. Keep them potent. Call someone a piece of fuck. Tell someone to go shit themselves. Keep the magic alive.

Switch up your swear words…

Whoever invented swear words is my fucking hero.

Whoever invented…

You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.

You call them…

What can I say.. I swear like a saylor and use a please and thank you like a saint. I’m complicated.

What can I say…

If you don't swear when you drive then you aren't paying enough attention to the road.

If you don’t swear…