Home     Browse     Tags     Random

Tell

Don’t tell me to make myself at home then act surprised when I take off my pants and drink all your vodka.

Don’t tell me…

I hate when people assume shit. Just ask me and I’ll fucking tell you.

I hate when people assume shit…

I’ll tell you what we don't have a shortage of. Dumbasses.

I’ll tell you…

When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

When someone is murdered…

Most people can’t tell if I'm being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.

Most people can’t…

Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be OK... or some rough sex or whatever.

Sometimes all you need…

Someone told me I need to stop using F-bombs. What the fuck is an F-bomb?

Someone told me…

I hate when someone tells me “I used to have a crush on you”. What the fuck am I supposed to do with an expired crush?

I hate when someone tells…

I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am. - Cormac McCarthy

I can normally tell…

I can never tell if I’m a huge asshole or really caring because there are some people I’d drop everything for, and some I’d punch in the fucking throat just for looking at me.

I can never tell…