Tell

I might be mean, but I have a good heart. When I tell someone to go to hell, I still hope they get there safely.

I might be mean…

One day you are going to look back and wish you had told more people to go fuck themselves.

One day…

Whenever I tell someone where I live and they say, “OMG that’s so far” I’m like calm down I’m not inviting you.

Whenever I tell someone…

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I'm pretty sure you'd be disappointed.

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself…

Don’t tell me to make myself at home then act surprised when I take off my pants and drink all your vodka.

Don’t tell me…

I hate when people assume shit. Just ask me and I’ll fucking tell you.

I hate when people assume shit…

I’ll tell you what we don't have a shortage of. Dumbasses.

I’ll tell you…

When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

When someone is murdered…

Most people can’t tell if I'm being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.

Most people can’t…

Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be OK... or some rough sex or whatever.

Sometimes all you need…