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When you try your hardest not to be a fucker, but everyone you deal with is a fucker, so you end up being a bigger fucker just to outfuck the fuckers.

When you try your hardest not to be a fucker, but everyone you deal with is a fucker, so you end up being a bigger fucker just to outfuck the fuckers.

When life puts you in tough situations don't say "why me" say "try me".

When life puts you in tough situations don’t say “why me” say “try me”.

I really do try to see the best in people. But seriously, some of you fuckers are making it so damn hard.

I really do try to see the best in people. But seriously, some of you fuckers are making it so damn hard.

I try to be a nice person... but sometimes my mouth doesn't cooperate.

I try to be a nice person, but sometimes my mouth doesn’t cooperate.

I tried to be good... Turns out I get bored easily.

I tried to be good… Turns out I get bored easily.

Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the jackass whisperer.

Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the jackass whisperer.

Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.

Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.