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Woman

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, kill someone, lose weight, and eat something sweet.

Being a woman…

One woman’s piece of shit ex boyfriend is some drunk slut’s prince charming.

One woman’s…

Men, don’t judge women by pounds and you won’t be judged by inches.

Men, don’t judge women…

I don’t get why men are always trying to have threesomes ... Like, why? Are you trying to disappoint 2 women at the same time.

I don’t get why…

The speed at which a woman says "I'm fine" is directly proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's about to follow.

The speed at which a woman says…

As a true gentleman, I hold the door for my woman. Then I smack her ass.

As a true gentleman…

Women are like iPhones: you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries: rub one ball and everything moves.

Women are like iPhones…

Your job as a woman is to observe when your man is happy and immediately put a stop to that nonsense.

Your job as a woman…

Every time a woman shaves her legs and doesn’t get laid, a unicorn dies.

Every time a woman shaves…

Women will say they are too tired to have sex. But that won’t stop them from arguing with you all night.

Women will say…