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Woman

Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed, and clean the whole house while she sleeps.

Every woman’s dream…

Every woman has a little bit of Marilyn inside of her. You just have to find out if it’s Monroe or Manson.

Every woman…

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different story.

If you can make a woman laugh…

A woman's anger is like a check engine light. There is no way to figure out why it came on. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.

A woman’s anger…

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

Here’s all you have to…

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew

A pessimist…

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

Men, if you ever want to know…

How come when a woman is pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and says congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?

How come…

Never pick a fight with a woman older than 40. They are full of rage and sick of everyone's shit.

Never pick a fight…

Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.

Women don’t fart…