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When someone calls me an “asshole” I get this warm feeling inside because my work here is done.

When someone calls me an “asshole” I get this warm feeling inside because my work here is done.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Life is too short to wake up in a bad mood. I save mine for when I get to work.

Life is too short to wake up in a bad mood. I save mine for when I get to work.

I may not be much help in telling you what works. But I sure have fucked up enough to tell you what doesn't.

I may not be much help in telling you what works. But I sure have fucked up enough to tell you what doesn’t.

Somewhere right now someone is thinking about an excuse not to go to work tomorrow.

Somewhere right now someone is thinking about an excuse not to go to work tomorrow.

You know why birds sing in the morning? Because they don't have to go to fucking work.

You know why birds sing in the morning? Because they don’t have to go to fucking work.

I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just bulshit.

I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just bullshit.

Did you ever look at one of your co-workers and think how the fuck do you work here?

Did you ever look at one of your co-workers and think how the fuck do you work here?

Whoever said the customer is always right has never worked with the public a day in their freaking life!

Whoever said the customer is always right has never worked with the public a day in their freaking life!

If you dream big enough, anything can come true. Just kidding. Get back to work.

If you dream big enough, anything can come true. Just kidding. Get back to work.