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Everybody sucks at something.
If you’re offended by the things I say, imagine the stuff I hold back.
Gut feelings are guardian angels.
The only thing I will force in my life is my jeans over my ass. Not friends, not relationships.
If you look close enough, that high horse people like to ride on is actually a donkey.
If you are arguing with me and I say “WOW” abort mission and run for your life.
Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes life just sucks. – Alexa Chung
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. – Woody Allen
Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
There are two types of people in the world and I hate both of them.
If fucking up is power, I should be the Hulk by now. – Richard Kadrey
God give us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I’m a badass.
You are either on my side, by my side, or in my fucking way. Choose wisely.
Maybe money can’t buy happiness, but I think it’s only fair to give me some and let me learn that lesson myself.
I’m not the type to tiptoe through the tulips. I would rather bulldoze through the bullshit.
Killing someone with kindness sounds like a lot of work to me.
You can be stupid or you can be loud. Please don’t be both.
I don’t always do the wrong thing, but when I do, it’s the wrongiest of all the wrongs that ever wronged.
I’m tired of getting fucked in ways that don’t end in an orgasm.
I love listening to lies when I know the truth.