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Sarcastic Quotes

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it becomes beautiful day.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it becomes beautiful day.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

Every time I say "Life can't get more fucked up". Life replies, "Challenge accepted".

Every time I say “Life can’t get more fucked up”. Life replies, “Challenge accepted”.

Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.

Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

Do what the fuck you want. Because in the end people are assholes and will judge you anyway.

Do what the fuck you want. Because in the end people are assholes and will judge you anyway.

Before you ask why someone hates you, ask yourself why you even give a fuck.

Before you ask why someone hates you, ask yourself why you even give a fuck.

Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer and some duct tape.

Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer and some duct tape.

Don't like me? Fuck off. Problem solved.

Don’t like me? Fuck off. Problem solved.

BITCHCRAFT: The art of pissing people off while smiling sweetly.

BITCHCRAFT: The art of pissing people off while smiling sweetly.

I love free speech. I also love ignore, mute and block.

I love free speech. I also love ignore, mute and block.

Some people’s birth certificates should be an apology letters from the condom factory.

Some people’s birth certificates should be an apology letters from the condom factory.

Be careful when you blindly follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

Be careful when you blindly follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

A little piece of advice...Don't talk shit if you can't fight.

A little piece of advice… Don’t talk shit if you can’t fight.