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You give my middle finger an erection.
Yeah, it's pretty hard not to be completely cynical these days. - David Byrne
Word of the day: EXHAUSTIPATED. Too tired to give a shit.
When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning", I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.
What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will sleep with anyone, a bitch will sleep with anyone but you.
Tomorrow's a new day and another chance to fuck things up just a little bit differently.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday, and look how that turned out.
TIP OF THE DAY: always make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an asshole.
Think whatever you like of me if it helps you sleep at night. In the end I get to keep my integrity while you feed your own bullshit to stay alive.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep.
The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest.
Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel. That’s why you have two hands.