Start each day with a goal so you have something to fuck up.
Marriage. Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.
Half the day, I wonder if it’s too late for coffee. The other half, I wonder if it’s too early for alcohol.
If anyone had a not so good day today, do your best to rock that shit tomorrow. Life is too short for two days of bullshit in a row.
Have a great day! Or don’t! No one cares!
If your phone battery lasts all day, it’s because no one likes you.
Yeah, it’s pretty hard not to be completely cynical these days. – David Byrne
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday, and look how that turned out.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? – Steven Wright
Every day is Friday when you’re unemployed.