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24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? - Steven Wright

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? – Steven Wright

Every day is Friday when you’re unemployed.

Every day is Friday when you’re unemployed.

One day I’m just gonna say fuck it all. And let my demons out to play

One day I’m just gonna say fuck it all. And let my demons out to play

LIVE TODAY LIKE IT IS YOUR LAST DAY! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn’t.

LIVE TODAY LIKE IT IS YOUR LAST DAY! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn’t.

One day I will start behaving myself.. But not today. (Tomorrow’s not looking good either.)

One day I will start behaving myself.. But not today. (Tomorrow’s not looking good either.)

Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s YOUR day. Ruin it yourself.

Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s YOUR day. Ruin it yourself.

Sleep well middle finger, you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Sleep well middle finger, you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Dear life, when I said "can my day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Dear life, when I said “can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

TIP OF THE DAY: always make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an asshole.

TIP OF THE DAY: always make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an asshole.

Holy fuck, I need a vacation, or a winning lottery ticket, or one fucking day with no bullshit. I’d settle for that!

Holy fuck, I need a vacation, or a winning lottery ticket, or one fucking day with no bullshit. I’d settle for that!