Childhood: When you didn’t have to be drunk to make stupid decisions.
Don’t ask me stupid questions like, “Are you hungry?” or “Want to get drunk?”
There’s a fine line between saying too much and saying too little. I walk that line like a drunken clown at the circus.
Listen, drunk me and sober me are not the same person. So if drunk me said or did something, you have to take it up with drunk me. Don’t come at sober me. We weren’t there. We don’t know what happened.
To all the adults using colouring books for stress relief, grow the fuck up and get drunk like the rest of us.
Ever looked at your ex and wondered, “was I drunk the entire relationship?”
Never take advice from me. You’ll only end up drunk.
The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid. – Richard Braunstein
You know you are drunk when you put your food in the microwave and enter your pin number.
Don’t talk to me about shit that happened when I was drunk. “Drunk me” and “Sober me” are not on speaking terms.
Only 3 types of people tell the truth. Kids, drunk people, and anyone who is pissed the fuck off.
There are two types of people who really irritate me: A drunk person when I’m sober and a sober person when I’m drunk.
Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
I told myself that I should stop drinking. But I’m not about to listen to a drunk that talk to himself.
The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.