Imagine how cool it would be if we lost weight every time we farted.
Opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room.
Most of the time… when you’re crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time… when you’re worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time… when you’re happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time…
Bitch Please, I’m so freaking fabulous, I pee glitter, shit cupcakes, and fart rainbows.
Opinions are like farts. Just because you have one inside you, doesn’t mean you need to let it out.
Love is cuddling until you fall asleep together… Even though you know he farts in his sleep… All damn night.
Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.
Never trust a girl who doesn’t fart. Hard telling what else she’s holding back from you.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, then it’s probably shit.
I’m honestly convinced some women don’t fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that’s where shitty ideas come from.
Think old and you’ll be old. Think young and you’ll be a delusional old fart.
The biggest step in any relationships isn’t the first kiss. It is the first fart.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would fart.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
Complaining is mouth farting. And like any farting, I don’t mind hearing my own, but I don’t want to hear anyone else’s.