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Laugh

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. – Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. – Woody Allen

I laugh when people try to figure me out. Like, good luck. I can’t even figure me out.

I laugh when people try to figure me out. Like good luck. I can’t even figure me out.

Go ahead and take risks – it gives the rest of us something to laugh at.

Go ahead and take risks – it gives the rest of us something to laugh at.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different story.

If you can make a woman laugh, you’re almost there. If you’re almost there and then she laughs, that’s a different story.

I don't need the last laugh. I've been laughing at your dumb ass the entire time.

I don’t need the last laugh. I’ve been laughing at your dumb ass the entire time.

Rude, Sarcastic, Funny Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings

Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me, I’ll laugh at you.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

If I had a dollar for every time I fake laughed at work I wouldn't even need a job anymore.

If I had a dollar for every time I fake laughed at work I wouldn’t even need a job anymore.

With age come new skills... You can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time.

With age come new skills. You can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.

My kind of people laugh at offensive jokes because they understand that life is ridiculous but also fucking hilarious.

My kind of people laugh at offensive jokes because they understand that life is ridiculous but also fucking hilarious.

Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.

Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.

Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh either.

Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh either.