Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
BAR and BRA. Same letters, different words, but both keep men eagerly waiting till they open.
How to win the heart of a woman: Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her. How to win the heart of a man: Come naked and carry a pack of beer.
Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed, and clean the whole house while she sleeps.
Being a man is not easy. No makeup, no wig, if you’re ugly you just ugly.
All men like to think they’re marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.
Men only have 2 emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. – George Carlin
Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. – George Carlin
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. – Chauncey Depew
Men, if you ever want to know what a woman’s mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.
Men are a lot like infants. If you want them to shut up just put a boob in their mouth.
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but The Bible says love your enemy. – Frank Sinatra
MEN ARE THE BEST COOKS because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk he can fill a girl’s tummy for nine months.
GOLF: An excuse for old fat men to say they still play a sport.
Women won’t date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.
If you meet a girl that admits she’s wrong, apologizes and change her way… Dump her because that might be a man. Women don’t do that.
The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.
So let me get this straight. Women wear fake hear, nails, lashes, contacts. Buy fake tits, lips, ass, and get botox… but want a real man?
To the women who say “all men are the same”. Maybe you shouldn’t have tried them all?