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If you look close enough, that high horse people like to ride on is actually a donkey.

If you look close enough, that high horse people like to ride on is actually a donkey.

There are two types of people in the world and I hate both of them.

There are two types of people in the world and I hate both of them.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people’s eyes.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people’s eyes.

Some people will never appreciate the word "FUCK". Fuck those unappreciative mothefuckers.

Some people will never appreciate the word “FUCK”. Fuck those unappreciative mothefuckers.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. - Billy Wilder

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you. – Billy Wilder

People can’t use you if you’re useless.

People can’t use you if you’re useless.

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually. - W. C. Fields

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually. – W. C. Fields

I laugh when people try to figure me out. Like, good luck. I can’t even figure me out.

I laugh when people try to figure me out. Like good luck. I can’t even figure me out.

I watch people and wonder how some of them found their way out of the birth canal.

I watch people and wonder how some of them found their way out of the birth canal.

Seeing people walk out of my life is really painful. I want them to run.

Seeing people walk out of my life is really painful. I want them to run.

No matter what you are going through, always try and help people. So instead of saying “Fuck off” ask, “How can I help you to fuck off?”

No matter what you are going through, always try and help people. So instead of saying “Fuck off” ask, “How can I help you to fuck off?”

Every group needs its twat, and if you’re in a group of people and there isn’t a twat, then it’s you. - Angus Watson

Every group needs its twat, and if you’re in a group of people and there isn’t a twat, then it’s you. – Angus Watson

My only regret is that I didn’t tell enough people to fuck off.

My only regret is that I didn’t tell enough people to fuck off.

I wonder if people look both ways before getting on my fucking nerves.

I wonder if people look both ways before getting on my fucking nerves.

The number of times I think “Shut the fuck up” while people are talking is getting out of hand.

The number of times I think “Shut the fuck up” while people are talking is getting out of hand.

When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.

When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.

Apparently when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Apparently when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

You are gonna piss a lot of people off when you start doing what’s best for you.

You are gonna piss a lot of people off when you start doing what’s best for you.

Judge me by the people I avoid.

Judge me by the people I avoid.

Husbands are the best people to share secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone, because they aren’t even listening.

Husbands are the best people to share secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone, because they aren’t even listening.