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Sex

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Life is like sex, you can either lay back and let it screw you, or you can get on top and ride the hell out of it.

Life is like sex, you can either lay back and let it screw you, or you can get on top and ride the hell out of it.

During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.

During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.

The only BS I need in my life is BEER and SEX.

The only BS I need in my life is BEER and SEX.

When 3 people have sex, it's called threesome. When 2 people have sex, it's called twosome. Now I understand why they call you handsome.

When 3 people have sex, it’s called a threesome. When 2 people have sex, it’s called a twosome. Now I understand why they call you handsome.

Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? Go ask your mother.

Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? Go ask your mother.

You know the sex is good when it sounds like running in flip flops.

You know the sex is good when it sounds like running in flip flops.

I'm addicted to sex, so I guess I have fucking problem.

I’m addicted to sex, so I guess I have fucking problem.

I swear some people must have been conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.

I swear some people must have been conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.

If I ever give a flying fuck, it'll be because it's sex position.

If I ever give a flying fuck, it’ll be because it’s sex position.

If her bra matches her panties when you take off her clothes, it wasn't you who decided to have sex.

If her bra matches her panties when you take off her clothes, it wasn’t you who decided to have sex.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

First off sex on the first night is not hoeing. It’s an interview and if I call you the next day. You got the job.

First off sex on the first night is not hoeing. It’s an interview and if I call you the next day. You got the job.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.

Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply.

Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don’t multiply.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.